Sunday, July 24, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Demonology perspective on - Deconstructing Constructs and old Patterns
Demonology perspective on - Deconstructing Constructs and old Patterns
Original post: http://demonology.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=137&p=1260#p1260
So , while working with -deconstructing the constructs - at what point do you stop the patterns, while you are participating in them, by applying self forgiveness in the moment as it happens - thus stopping the energy addiction to the entire time loop? I suggest now to see if you are able to stop the patterns while you are participating in them. In this you will find that the relationship might change - because you are now longer walking the pattern, how it changes you will have to breathe through in the moment.
You have written allot of self forgiveness on points you realized after they happened. I suggest continue, as this strengthens ones 'self will in the moments when you face 'the pattern'. When in 'the pattern' only your self honesty will determine how you will continue participating in that which you created a long time ago - or to see them for what they are and apply the necessary steps to stop the pattern as it comes to an end, just to start again.
The mind will say 'but I have to win or I have to get him to appreciate me for who I am or what I am doing now' - I suggest be aware of this - as this is the same system of 'wanting a male to recognize you'. Remember at this stage even though you are walking through your relationship design - you are still it - therefore without actual clear statements based on what you will no longer say and do - you are simply changing the patterns - so they look different to you - who's starting point is mostly to prove something to yourself.
When one is walking process, basically alone, with only your previous self forgiveness here on the forum to assist -it is easy to allow oneself to remain in the same energy pattern - just sugar coating it to look different.
So - I suggest at this point start seeing if you are able to identify which points are now morphed into new points. You will be able to identify them because they take you into the same energy possession whether it is you saying to the male - 'please hug me' or you saying 'you know relationships are really just dishonesty'. The way that the relationship energy is obtained is changed within you, as you - and sometimes this is interpreted as 'I have changed and am directing my relationship' Are you able to say for sure that you are not repeating the same patterns but under different conversations and presentations?
I suggest write down how in the past you would participate in the pattern as your words, thoughts and deeds and how, if any - these points have changed and are now morphed through supportive backchat into different behaviors, words and self belief into a new 'picture' - but underneath you still react in pain, embarrassment and self hatred - when the male rejects 'you'.
Also give us feedback on any points where you have taken your self forgiveness statements through to living correction - in which you see within yourself that you remain consistent and do not change or revert back to old patterns.
Original post: http://demonology.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=137&p=1260#p1260
So , while working with -deconstructing the constructs - at what point do you stop the patterns, while you are participating in them, by applying self forgiveness in the moment as it happens - thus stopping the energy addiction to the entire time loop? I suggest now to see if you are able to stop the patterns while you are participating in them. In this you will find that the relationship might change - because you are now longer walking the pattern, how it changes you will have to breathe through in the moment.
You have written allot of self forgiveness on points you realized after they happened. I suggest continue, as this strengthens ones 'self will in the moments when you face 'the pattern'. When in 'the pattern' only your self honesty will determine how you will continue participating in that which you created a long time ago - or to see them for what they are and apply the necessary steps to stop the pattern as it comes to an end, just to start again.
The mind will say 'but I have to win or I have to get him to appreciate me for who I am or what I am doing now' - I suggest be aware of this - as this is the same system of 'wanting a male to recognize you'. Remember at this stage even though you are walking through your relationship design - you are still it - therefore without actual clear statements based on what you will no longer say and do - you are simply changing the patterns - so they look different to you - who's starting point is mostly to prove something to yourself.
When one is walking process, basically alone, with only your previous self forgiveness here on the forum to assist -it is easy to allow oneself to remain in the same energy pattern - just sugar coating it to look different.
So - I suggest at this point start seeing if you are able to identify which points are now morphed into new points. You will be able to identify them because they take you into the same energy possession whether it is you saying to the male - 'please hug me' or you saying 'you know relationships are really just dishonesty'. The way that the relationship energy is obtained is changed within you, as you - and sometimes this is interpreted as 'I have changed and am directing my relationship' Are you able to say for sure that you are not repeating the same patterns but under different conversations and presentations?
I suggest write down how in the past you would participate in the pattern as your words, thoughts and deeds and how, if any - these points have changed and are now morphed through supportive backchat into different behaviors, words and self belief into a new 'picture' - but underneath you still react in pain, embarrassment and self hatred - when the male rejects 'you'.
Also give us feedback on any points where you have taken your self forgiveness statements through to living correction - in which you see within yourself that you remain consistent and do not change or revert back to old patterns.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Rozelle de Lange: I Don't Know Who I Am
Rozelle de Lange: I Don't Know Who I Am: "This is a letter sent to a popular magazine in South Africa by a lady who asks assistance from a Dr. Louise. The Letter reads: I'm a woma..."
Life Process: Writing Myself to Freedom...Check out How I Get it...
Life Process: Writing Myself to Freedom...Check out How I Get it...: "Writing within the ' process ' is used by self as a point of support to get a handle of who I have become here and how indeed I can change m..."
Life Process: Why we shave our heads? Anti Hate
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Equal Money For All - Maite's Blog: Freedom and the Crucifixion of Jesus
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MatterFreeMan: Gas $4 dollars or more in 6 states - free country?...
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MatterFreeMan: I was an 'Ascending Being' that found Desteni
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MatterFreeMan: What does the existence of food banks reveal?
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MatterFreeMan: Why do Atheists seldom become world leaders?
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MatterFreeMan: Let the Damned be Free
MatterFreeMan: Let the Damned be Free: "The current money system on Earth is a system of Dam-Nation. Unless you are born into a circumstance of wealth, you are automatically 'Damme..."
MatterFreeMan: Let the Damned be Free
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MatterFreeMan: Writing Myself to Freedom - why is it important?
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Leila Zamora Moreno's Blog: ECO NO ME - I Am Here to Satisfy your Needs
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Leila Zamora Moreno's Blog: The Principle of Economy... Or what it Ought to Be...
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Leila Zamora Moreno's Blog: The Birds are Dying
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Leila Zamora Moreno's Blog: Fear, A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
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Sunday, July 3, 2011
I did not know you could have sex with demons!
Hi everyone my name is Andrea and I am here to introduce myself to you and give insight into how I found Desteni and how I walk with Desteni, within the principles of creating a better world for all.
Ok so the title sounds somewhat strange -but here is my strange story - explaining the background I came from and how I have assisted myself within the Desteni material, with the assistance of the most focused and committed people I have ever met!
When I left high school I wanted to work with horses - and that is all I wanted in life. Until I developed a physical problem with an old injury and had to leave my passion for horses behind. I then decided to follow my next passion which was esoteric healing/new age. I studied to become a Kinesiologist, Energy Medicine practitioner and Paranormal investigator!
But to continue this story I would like to take you a few years back -
After high school I became friends with a wiccan who other than worshipping Wiccan gods and goddesses was also into cruising around on the ouija board, stirring trouble with demons. I got involved with him in wiccanism/magic as well as communicating with troubled souls on the ouija board. Often we would get chased by ghosts and strangled by demons - but nothing quenched our desire to speak to 'the other side'. In this I was looking for an answer to my own life which I did not have a clue how to practically live. You see I had developed adulthood depression from the time my father died. I blamed myself for my father's death and nothing could replace the loss I experienced at never having a decent relationship with my father who himself 'suffered' adulthood depression. I yearned for my father and thus hurtled head first into the domain of demons and ghosts with very little regard for what might happen.
As I was studying Kinesiology - to at least pretend as if I was being a functional human, I was consumed within my own self created depression. 'If only my father could have loved me before he died' - this thought ran through my mind as the silent backchat that I carried with me all the time no matter where I was and what I was pretending to me.
I became very discouraged with having to live in the system. I saw it as a place where one either conforms or you die. I had seen my father suffer at the hands of the system and did not care to follow in his shoes - but in the end had decided to do so in anyway - by going down the road of depression towards possible suicide. I decided to study hard and I started my Kinesiology practice. I was very good at whatever therapy I applied because I was actually a very confident person when in the mood. Unfortunately I was not consistent and made many decisions through which I would compromise myself extensively.
The one decision I made was to remain in an abusive relationship. I met a guy when I had to leave my job where I managed horses due to the physical injury. He was from a big city and spoke all the right words, making me feel special and beautiful. I moved in with him where he was living with his mother. A few months later the emotional abuse started as simple suggestions that he does not want me to see my male friends anymore. By the time I realised what was going on it was to late - I had already convinced myself that what I was - 'in-love' with him and that I wanted to be with him.
By the time the physical abuse started I convinced myself that in the system I would be abused to earn a salary - so 'what difference does it make?' Over the years I had become extensively involved with my spirituality. I was working with wiccan guides often and found a hiding place from the abuse in my spirituality. As long as I could explain the abuse away as some 'higher lesson' - I was fine and could suppress that part of me which stood up in pride and asked 'Andrea what are you doing to yourself?'
The boyfriend found a job in a city one hour away from where we were living and we moved into an apartment loaned to us by a family member. I really enjoyed this because it gave us a sense of privacy. I was becoming more and more ingrained into my spirituality and one day I delved head first into absolute delusions of grandeur by allowing these spirits I communicated with to tell me that I am' god's disciple'. Listening to myself now I wonder how I got to that point of delusion - but when I was there experiencing the pain and frustration and fear - I survived in whatever form possible. So for months all I did was sit and talk to my guides. One day the guides introduced me to the gods sent to prepare me to do 'god's work' . This in a way kept me sane. I mean, being told you are god's disciple is actually quite a bonus when on a regular basis you are getting strangled by your boyfriend until you passed out. It made it all ok! LOL
The boyfriend was doing ok in his job so we decided to get our own cottage near where he worked. I enjoyed being a 'housewife' type by staying at home to cook and clean and play with my puppy. The nightly 'demonic' attacks by the boyfriend though were starting to take their toll. One night while in the midst of his attacks I decided that I has now had enough. I found myself walking to the kitchen, opening the drawer and taking out a knife. I swung around, adrenaline pulsing through me, and pointed the knife right at him. He protested, I threatened to stab him and in the end he convinced me to put the knife down and walk away. I realised that this was it, I had crossed a line and was now preparing myself to really hurt him or myself. I decided to phone a police friend of mine to remove me from this environment.
After this incident I moved in with my mom, but decided that I will rather stay with the boyfriend than get a job. When I confronted all my guides and gods who I had established this spiritual connection with - about how and why they would actually allow this man to abuse me and that I was sick of them telling me that I was being asked to walk through spiritual lessons - they finally confessed and admitted that they were actually one demon. The joke was on me.
And again - instead of walking away I could not face the world and having to take any form of self responsibility for myself in this physical reality - so I made a deal with the demon. I told him that he may possess me and have my body - if he would just let me rest and hide inside my body. He agreed but with one catch: he refused to go find work!!! Oh boy we were a funny pair. We would sit for hours - me possessed drooling on my bed pleading with the demon to go find a job for us to survive and him cursing that the system is fucked up and he wants nothing to do with it. In the meantime I was still in a relationship with the boyfriend simply so that he would pay for my rent and food.
I had started exploring spirit sex when I allowed myself to fall in love with one of the gods. The funny thing is that when this god revealed to me that he was actually a demon I found myself drawn into a dark world of spirit sex with demons. I really did not care and yet at the same time I was petrified of how it would all end. The demon constantly threatened to attack me and I found myself addicted to the rush. At this point I had stepped over a line which caused me to not know how to get back. My depression caused me to not be able to think effectively and the state of possession I preferred than having to step forth into my own body and take action. I started experimenting with taking my migraine tablets to see how drowsy I would get. I just wanted to sleep and I hoped that one day I could muster the courage to overdose and die.
One night the demon and his demon friends decided to call my bluff on killing myself. They start waking me up at night telling me that the time is coming nearer for me to go live with them in the dimensions. Due to the fact that possession had because so easy for me - in which I allowed the demon to take over my body completely - It was easy for the demon to just step into my mind and suppress me completely. This particular night the demon tells me that he will now be killing me. I find myself getting out of bed and floating inside my body somewhere while observing my body walking to the kitchen. He opens the kitchen drawer and takes out a knife. This is placed against my wrist and he starts pulling down and into the flesh. I panic as I realize that the agreement we had for him to just leave me alone - was no longer. He meant business. I stopped him from doing anything fatal but the next day had to contact 'the boyfriend' and tell him that the demon is trying to kill me and that we had to do something. He phones around and finds a group of people who specialize in exorcisms and a day late I am taken for an exorcism. The story continued a few months later - which eventually led to me going to a medium and being introduced to my guide - my actual guide that is…
On the desteniproddemons channel on youtube you will find my video series on this subject.
So continuing - I became close to my guide and I found him to be a great support. I was still experiencing depression and lack of self will, but focused on my work. At a Kinesiology meeting I meet Bernard and Sunette who were doing a talk about how Sunette leaves her body. I really enjoyed this talk as well as the fact that Bernard mentions that they speak daily to dimensional beings. I was fascinated by what they do and asked if they have people joining in for discussions or classes etc. They said I can visit any time because 'this is what they do everyday and night'. A few days later I visit them and sit in awe how the portal can have one being after the next come through and talk to us. I had fun.
I was invited to visit them again and started feeling comfortable amongst the group, as having found people I can relate to within my world of 'spirits'. Around this time my own world was falling apart. I had lost my financial support when the boyfriend just 'disappears' and when I finally get him to answer his phone he admits that he 'met someone else'. I was a wreck. My worst nightmare was folding in on itself and I had no where left to go. A day later Bernard phones me to find out how I am doing and I start crying. I go and visit them at which point Bernard and Esteni invite me to move in with them. I was amazed that a group of people will be so open and giving to someone they had just met.
For months after moving in with them I was focusing simply on getting myself stable again. A few months before moving in with them I ended up in hospital with high blood pressure and panic attacks. So starting this new life was a challenge for me because I was now on high blood pressure medication at the age of 28 and would become dizzy often - my body could no longer function under constant stress and fear.
While focusing on my own process of self honesty and self forgiveness - one of the major points I had to face was letting go of Jack - my guide. It was important for me to take back all self responsibility and to prove to myself that I no longer had to depend on another as a substitute for 'Self'. Therefore it was decided that Jack would no longer be my guide and I did not take this well. My mind was intertwined with and as Jack - therefore by not having my connection with Jack I experienced it at the time as if a part of my mind - a part of myself - was gone. Becoming functional in light of this, was not easy. I went through an extensive period of anger towards Jack and Bernard because just like the Desteni haters - I was fighting for my own limitation. I wanted to have someone to call my own and someone who would tell me they loved me. I was not fully ready to see that what I had placed into and as 'Jack' was myself and that I was petrified to stand up and give myself back to me - simply because I did not trust myself to direct me effectively without making harmful decisions. Each day that went by got easier as I worked with breathing, self forgiveness, writing and the consistency within not allowing myself to give up. Forgiving me for what I have allowed was not easy, and yet I faced it.
As we decided to start the Desteni web site and the DesteniProductions youtube channel - this new project which incorporated writing, video productions and internet management allowed me to focus on what I enjoyed and to not mull around in my mind, pining for Jack. It was months later that I started to emerge more and more out of my shell and to actually start taking pride in myself again. This had been a long road and I have faced many layers of self created personalities. The work and focus of the people here - just to assist me has been immense - and this assistance is available to all who decide to participate on these forums - therefore the proof is in the pudding - so to speak - that Desteni and those who form part of it truly understand and want to assist all who all willing to assist themselves to break addictions and stop self abuse.
What was realised while we were having lengthy discussions within the group was that an idea had been created by all of us, myself included of what life could be like, but that instead all of us were creating separate realities in our minds. This as each of us found existed as secret mind realities where each one is special and loved and adored. We realised that it was time for us as humanity to look at what is practical to be lived by all people on earth while in the physical, and what is to be stopped as fantasy in the mind. It was evident by using basic common sense that 'heaven on earth' does not have to be secretive, secluded realities only accessible to those who have money. Currently this is how the world functions - if you have money, you can buy your own 'heaven on earth' - but by doing this you are participating in a capitalist system which creates and exists as 'hell on earth' for millions of beings who share this planet with us.
In looking at all the decisions I have made in my life, I too realised that each decision I made was based on the simple desire to be special in the eyes of others and simply to survive. Therefore by writing down my life experience I could see how I was attempting, just like every other person to 'get what I wanted'. What I wanted though as you are able to see from this overview of my life, was not practical and was not supporting myself to live effectively here in this physical reality. It was all about secret mind desires to be powerful and desirable. I realised that this is actually what is behind the decision that each human makes. In each human is the desire to fulfill oneself through what experiences one has in the mind through thinking and feeling. Each person wants to feel good, feel special, feel desired, feel like they are in control. Therefore we follow thoughts which direct us into make life decisions in what to participate in - to get these feelings. Therefore as the human - I realised that we have become addicted to energy and thus each one of us tacitly agrees to all forms of abuse on this planet, just so that we can participate in our little world through which we seek to have power over others and to consume to our hearts desire. Each of us, like myself have also designed the perfect justifications why we all get to accept the current world conditions as it is. We have all agreed that human nature is acceptable simply because 'it is like this' - never considering how we have all created and programmed 'human nature' and on what basis we have done so. When you stop and you draw a time line of your own life and life decisions you will see, as I have that each decision was made in a moment, for you to achieve some kind of feeling of specialness and greatness. That is why we have religion, spirituality, consumerism, culture, family, entertainment, class, relationships, friendships, sex etc - all of it exists to fuel man's desire to have a special experience, which happens in the mind and has nothing to do with the physical reality which supports us as food, water and the air we breathe.
The next question I was asked was 'other than wanting to find my self worth in amongst all the billions of people on this planet - what else directed my decisions in every moment? I answers that money was the reason why I had to make certain decisions. I looked at my life thus far. Each decision was calculated according to whether it provided me with money and if I had enough money for the month then I would pursue my hobbies like spirituality and horse riding which allowed me to feel powerful, special, at-one-with-myself. This was all based on the energy experience I would have while participating in my world. Nothing more. The rest of the time was again spent working for enough money to survive. I was fortunate enough at least to be able to make some money from my 'esoteric personality' - LOL - most people end up having to work in the system and never doing what they would like to - therefore I was grateful that I could do what I enjoyed by doing Kinesiology on people and animals. The next question was asked - how would your life have been different if you had enough money from birth to take care of all your needs - thus allowing you to fully live and express and not be dependent on anyone for survival? Wow - I placed myself in this situation and it was awesome. I would now be a completely different person and would not have made most of the decisions I had. I am now 32 and have spent most of my life abusing myself for self worth and money and have spent the last 4 years working through all the layers, just to start getting to a point of walking here in the physical, breathing.
Then we discussed - would it be possible for each human to have these life experiences you saw - if life was not about survival, but instead about living? I looked at an Equal World System, based on the principles of what is best for all - where from birth each is given an equal amount of money which provides one throughout your life with all that you require for a dignified life. Imagine that - in time all corruption and greed will have to stop because capitalism as the gaining of profit for wealth will no longer exists. The majority will stand up and decide that they have had enough of repeating the cycles of the past where we accept a capitalist system which abuses all life just so that some may become rich. It has taken us this long to create the capitalist system because at the time everyone agreed. If everyone sees eventually for themselves that there is no choice but to do what is best for all, as a decision to do what is best for self - then we will have to change the world system we have placed thus far - where we simply allowed greed to direct us.
This is why I stand for an Equal Money System. I have seen within my own direct experience of living and working in an equality based community - what is possible. I have firstly made the decision to no longer accept and allow self abuse and to take self responsibility for my world as myself. Within this I realised that I had to look at all the decisions I have made to see what they were based on. And fascinatingly enough - each decision I have made was not based on my deciding it - it was based on programming from when I was a child to survive. Each decision I have made from the religion I chose, the relationships and friendships I chose, the values I held, my beliefs, - all of it existed as part of my personality to simply survive in this world where we compete with money or the idea of 'self worth'. Change that within yourself as the definitions you allow based on the approval to be human and then you see that none of your decisions were real. Everything I did was not real because it was based on wanting to be accepted in this world simply to survive. Look here - either you have money to live, or you have to slot yourself in with what others with money want of you - whereby you will receive money from the system. It is that simple - the system functions on money therefore to survive you have to do what generates money or you have to please those who have money who support you by being someone that makes them feel in control of their lives. The cycle of money is tied in with self worth because everything costs money and self worth is created as an idea of 'things you have to have and do and be' within the system.
This is the cycle we exits in and we call this 'being human' - I find this unacceptable for the world - because I was taken from this cycle and shown what is possible. Therefore I do not just speak about an Equal Money System or Equality Based World System - as if it is a new 'fad' for me - I am living this - and in my research I use basic equations - whereby I see if an 'idea' of what is possible - can in fact be implemented for all Equally. This will not be easy - however observe the following: we have been living and creating the current system which functions according to: a system which requires the movement of money and forces each one to survive. Therefore currently we all LIVE to survive. With an Equal Money System we say let us change the system to the 'opposite' one could say which is: 'A system which supports all LIFE - therefore we will Live - and work together in doing what requires to be done for us to Live.
Although Desteni has a vast amount of Videos - of which each one is specific and relevant within its context - I chose the following videos as my ten favorites, simply because they specifically assisted me within my process of understanding myself better, within my life.
1. BEGINNING of Creation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oXZE0eoqUw
2. Apparitions - Spirits - Ghosts - Unexplained Phenomena
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVBQp4ZGBVg
3. Demons - The only FREE Spirits in existence Hom36
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLOjiS3m_Xo
4. Channeling as Phenomena - what is behind it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f2EjoE8tis&feature=related
5. Akashic Record and the Soul
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysoQsbNwCK0
6. Esoteric and Occult World Placements
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vuN3FjrOTo
7. Resonance as the Resident Evil
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfu8W3LGcgc
8. Interview: DEMONS of the NOW and the FUTURE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA-Tv4qLVug
9. Desteni I Process is Leadership Training
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHlBa3gJv1U
10. Mathematical Proof of Desteni Equality
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxhdDdBrKcQ&feature=related
Ok so the title sounds somewhat strange -but here is my strange story - explaining the background I came from and how I have assisted myself within the Desteni material, with the assistance of the most focused and committed people I have ever met!
When I left high school I wanted to work with horses - and that is all I wanted in life. Until I developed a physical problem with an old injury and had to leave my passion for horses behind. I then decided to follow my next passion which was esoteric healing/new age. I studied to become a Kinesiologist, Energy Medicine practitioner and Paranormal investigator!
But to continue this story I would like to take you a few years back -
After high school I became friends with a wiccan who other than worshipping Wiccan gods and goddesses was also into cruising around on the ouija board, stirring trouble with demons. I got involved with him in wiccanism/magic as well as communicating with troubled souls on the ouija board. Often we would get chased by ghosts and strangled by demons - but nothing quenched our desire to speak to 'the other side'. In this I was looking for an answer to my own life which I did not have a clue how to practically live. You see I had developed adulthood depression from the time my father died. I blamed myself for my father's death and nothing could replace the loss I experienced at never having a decent relationship with my father who himself 'suffered' adulthood depression. I yearned for my father and thus hurtled head first into the domain of demons and ghosts with very little regard for what might happen.
As I was studying Kinesiology - to at least pretend as if I was being a functional human, I was consumed within my own self created depression. 'If only my father could have loved me before he died' - this thought ran through my mind as the silent backchat that I carried with me all the time no matter where I was and what I was pretending to me.
I became very discouraged with having to live in the system. I saw it as a place where one either conforms or you die. I had seen my father suffer at the hands of the system and did not care to follow in his shoes - but in the end had decided to do so in anyway - by going down the road of depression towards possible suicide. I decided to study hard and I started my Kinesiology practice. I was very good at whatever therapy I applied because I was actually a very confident person when in the mood. Unfortunately I was not consistent and made many decisions through which I would compromise myself extensively.
The one decision I made was to remain in an abusive relationship. I met a guy when I had to leave my job where I managed horses due to the physical injury. He was from a big city and spoke all the right words, making me feel special and beautiful. I moved in with him where he was living with his mother. A few months later the emotional abuse started as simple suggestions that he does not want me to see my male friends anymore. By the time I realised what was going on it was to late - I had already convinced myself that what I was - 'in-love' with him and that I wanted to be with him.
By the time the physical abuse started I convinced myself that in the system I would be abused to earn a salary - so 'what difference does it make?' Over the years I had become extensively involved with my spirituality. I was working with wiccan guides often and found a hiding place from the abuse in my spirituality. As long as I could explain the abuse away as some 'higher lesson' - I was fine and could suppress that part of me which stood up in pride and asked 'Andrea what are you doing to yourself?'
The boyfriend found a job in a city one hour away from where we were living and we moved into an apartment loaned to us by a family member. I really enjoyed this because it gave us a sense of privacy. I was becoming more and more ingrained into my spirituality and one day I delved head first into absolute delusions of grandeur by allowing these spirits I communicated with to tell me that I am' god's disciple'. Listening to myself now I wonder how I got to that point of delusion - but when I was there experiencing the pain and frustration and fear - I survived in whatever form possible. So for months all I did was sit and talk to my guides. One day the guides introduced me to the gods sent to prepare me to do 'god's work' . This in a way kept me sane. I mean, being told you are god's disciple is actually quite a bonus when on a regular basis you are getting strangled by your boyfriend until you passed out. It made it all ok! LOL
The boyfriend was doing ok in his job so we decided to get our own cottage near where he worked. I enjoyed being a 'housewife' type by staying at home to cook and clean and play with my puppy. The nightly 'demonic' attacks by the boyfriend though were starting to take their toll. One night while in the midst of his attacks I decided that I has now had enough. I found myself walking to the kitchen, opening the drawer and taking out a knife. I swung around, adrenaline pulsing through me, and pointed the knife right at him. He protested, I threatened to stab him and in the end he convinced me to put the knife down and walk away. I realised that this was it, I had crossed a line and was now preparing myself to really hurt him or myself. I decided to phone a police friend of mine to remove me from this environment.
After this incident I moved in with my mom, but decided that I will rather stay with the boyfriend than get a job. When I confronted all my guides and gods who I had established this spiritual connection with - about how and why they would actually allow this man to abuse me and that I was sick of them telling me that I was being asked to walk through spiritual lessons - they finally confessed and admitted that they were actually one demon. The joke was on me.
And again - instead of walking away I could not face the world and having to take any form of self responsibility for myself in this physical reality - so I made a deal with the demon. I told him that he may possess me and have my body - if he would just let me rest and hide inside my body. He agreed but with one catch: he refused to go find work!!! Oh boy we were a funny pair. We would sit for hours - me possessed drooling on my bed pleading with the demon to go find a job for us to survive and him cursing that the system is fucked up and he wants nothing to do with it. In the meantime I was still in a relationship with the boyfriend simply so that he would pay for my rent and food.
I had started exploring spirit sex when I allowed myself to fall in love with one of the gods. The funny thing is that when this god revealed to me that he was actually a demon I found myself drawn into a dark world of spirit sex with demons. I really did not care and yet at the same time I was petrified of how it would all end. The demon constantly threatened to attack me and I found myself addicted to the rush. At this point I had stepped over a line which caused me to not know how to get back. My depression caused me to not be able to think effectively and the state of possession I preferred than having to step forth into my own body and take action. I started experimenting with taking my migraine tablets to see how drowsy I would get. I just wanted to sleep and I hoped that one day I could muster the courage to overdose and die.
One night the demon and his demon friends decided to call my bluff on killing myself. They start waking me up at night telling me that the time is coming nearer for me to go live with them in the dimensions. Due to the fact that possession had because so easy for me - in which I allowed the demon to take over my body completely - It was easy for the demon to just step into my mind and suppress me completely. This particular night the demon tells me that he will now be killing me. I find myself getting out of bed and floating inside my body somewhere while observing my body walking to the kitchen. He opens the kitchen drawer and takes out a knife. This is placed against my wrist and he starts pulling down and into the flesh. I panic as I realize that the agreement we had for him to just leave me alone - was no longer. He meant business. I stopped him from doing anything fatal but the next day had to contact 'the boyfriend' and tell him that the demon is trying to kill me and that we had to do something. He phones around and finds a group of people who specialize in exorcisms and a day late I am taken for an exorcism. The story continued a few months later - which eventually led to me going to a medium and being introduced to my guide - my actual guide that is…
On the desteniproddemons channel on youtube you will find my video series on this subject.
So continuing - I became close to my guide and I found him to be a great support. I was still experiencing depression and lack of self will, but focused on my work. At a Kinesiology meeting I meet Bernard and Sunette who were doing a talk about how Sunette leaves her body. I really enjoyed this talk as well as the fact that Bernard mentions that they speak daily to dimensional beings. I was fascinated by what they do and asked if they have people joining in for discussions or classes etc. They said I can visit any time because 'this is what they do everyday and night'. A few days later I visit them and sit in awe how the portal can have one being after the next come through and talk to us. I had fun.
I was invited to visit them again and started feeling comfortable amongst the group, as having found people I can relate to within my world of 'spirits'. Around this time my own world was falling apart. I had lost my financial support when the boyfriend just 'disappears' and when I finally get him to answer his phone he admits that he 'met someone else'. I was a wreck. My worst nightmare was folding in on itself and I had no where left to go. A day later Bernard phones me to find out how I am doing and I start crying. I go and visit them at which point Bernard and Esteni invite me to move in with them. I was amazed that a group of people will be so open and giving to someone they had just met.
For months after moving in with them I was focusing simply on getting myself stable again. A few months before moving in with them I ended up in hospital with high blood pressure and panic attacks. So starting this new life was a challenge for me because I was now on high blood pressure medication at the age of 28 and would become dizzy often - my body could no longer function under constant stress and fear.
While focusing on my own process of self honesty and self forgiveness - one of the major points I had to face was letting go of Jack - my guide. It was important for me to take back all self responsibility and to prove to myself that I no longer had to depend on another as a substitute for 'Self'. Therefore it was decided that Jack would no longer be my guide and I did not take this well. My mind was intertwined with and as Jack - therefore by not having my connection with Jack I experienced it at the time as if a part of my mind - a part of myself - was gone. Becoming functional in light of this, was not easy. I went through an extensive period of anger towards Jack and Bernard because just like the Desteni haters - I was fighting for my own limitation. I wanted to have someone to call my own and someone who would tell me they loved me. I was not fully ready to see that what I had placed into and as 'Jack' was myself and that I was petrified to stand up and give myself back to me - simply because I did not trust myself to direct me effectively without making harmful decisions. Each day that went by got easier as I worked with breathing, self forgiveness, writing and the consistency within not allowing myself to give up. Forgiving me for what I have allowed was not easy, and yet I faced it.
As we decided to start the Desteni web site and the DesteniProductions youtube channel - this new project which incorporated writing, video productions and internet management allowed me to focus on what I enjoyed and to not mull around in my mind, pining for Jack. It was months later that I started to emerge more and more out of my shell and to actually start taking pride in myself again. This had been a long road and I have faced many layers of self created personalities. The work and focus of the people here - just to assist me has been immense - and this assistance is available to all who decide to participate on these forums - therefore the proof is in the pudding - so to speak - that Desteni and those who form part of it truly understand and want to assist all who all willing to assist themselves to break addictions and stop self abuse.
What was realised while we were having lengthy discussions within the group was that an idea had been created by all of us, myself included of what life could be like, but that instead all of us were creating separate realities in our minds. This as each of us found existed as secret mind realities where each one is special and loved and adored. We realised that it was time for us as humanity to look at what is practical to be lived by all people on earth while in the physical, and what is to be stopped as fantasy in the mind. It was evident by using basic common sense that 'heaven on earth' does not have to be secretive, secluded realities only accessible to those who have money. Currently this is how the world functions - if you have money, you can buy your own 'heaven on earth' - but by doing this you are participating in a capitalist system which creates and exists as 'hell on earth' for millions of beings who share this planet with us.
In looking at all the decisions I have made in my life, I too realised that each decision I made was based on the simple desire to be special in the eyes of others and simply to survive. Therefore by writing down my life experience I could see how I was attempting, just like every other person to 'get what I wanted'. What I wanted though as you are able to see from this overview of my life, was not practical and was not supporting myself to live effectively here in this physical reality. It was all about secret mind desires to be powerful and desirable. I realised that this is actually what is behind the decision that each human makes. In each human is the desire to fulfill oneself through what experiences one has in the mind through thinking and feeling. Each person wants to feel good, feel special, feel desired, feel like they are in control. Therefore we follow thoughts which direct us into make life decisions in what to participate in - to get these feelings. Therefore as the human - I realised that we have become addicted to energy and thus each one of us tacitly agrees to all forms of abuse on this planet, just so that we can participate in our little world through which we seek to have power over others and to consume to our hearts desire. Each of us, like myself have also designed the perfect justifications why we all get to accept the current world conditions as it is. We have all agreed that human nature is acceptable simply because 'it is like this' - never considering how we have all created and programmed 'human nature' and on what basis we have done so. When you stop and you draw a time line of your own life and life decisions you will see, as I have that each decision was made in a moment, for you to achieve some kind of feeling of specialness and greatness. That is why we have religion, spirituality, consumerism, culture, family, entertainment, class, relationships, friendships, sex etc - all of it exists to fuel man's desire to have a special experience, which happens in the mind and has nothing to do with the physical reality which supports us as food, water and the air we breathe.
The next question I was asked was 'other than wanting to find my self worth in amongst all the billions of people on this planet - what else directed my decisions in every moment? I answers that money was the reason why I had to make certain decisions. I looked at my life thus far. Each decision was calculated according to whether it provided me with money and if I had enough money for the month then I would pursue my hobbies like spirituality and horse riding which allowed me to feel powerful, special, at-one-with-myself. This was all based on the energy experience I would have while participating in my world. Nothing more. The rest of the time was again spent working for enough money to survive. I was fortunate enough at least to be able to make some money from my 'esoteric personality' - LOL - most people end up having to work in the system and never doing what they would like to - therefore I was grateful that I could do what I enjoyed by doing Kinesiology on people and animals. The next question was asked - how would your life have been different if you had enough money from birth to take care of all your needs - thus allowing you to fully live and express and not be dependent on anyone for survival? Wow - I placed myself in this situation and it was awesome. I would now be a completely different person and would not have made most of the decisions I had. I am now 32 and have spent most of my life abusing myself for self worth and money and have spent the last 4 years working through all the layers, just to start getting to a point of walking here in the physical, breathing.
Then we discussed - would it be possible for each human to have these life experiences you saw - if life was not about survival, but instead about living? I looked at an Equal World System, based on the principles of what is best for all - where from birth each is given an equal amount of money which provides one throughout your life with all that you require for a dignified life. Imagine that - in time all corruption and greed will have to stop because capitalism as the gaining of profit for wealth will no longer exists. The majority will stand up and decide that they have had enough of repeating the cycles of the past where we accept a capitalist system which abuses all life just so that some may become rich. It has taken us this long to create the capitalist system because at the time everyone agreed. If everyone sees eventually for themselves that there is no choice but to do what is best for all, as a decision to do what is best for self - then we will have to change the world system we have placed thus far - where we simply allowed greed to direct us.
This is why I stand for an Equal Money System. I have seen within my own direct experience of living and working in an equality based community - what is possible. I have firstly made the decision to no longer accept and allow self abuse and to take self responsibility for my world as myself. Within this I realised that I had to look at all the decisions I have made to see what they were based on. And fascinatingly enough - each decision I have made was not based on my deciding it - it was based on programming from when I was a child to survive. Each decision I have made from the religion I chose, the relationships and friendships I chose, the values I held, my beliefs, - all of it existed as part of my personality to simply survive in this world where we compete with money or the idea of 'self worth'. Change that within yourself as the definitions you allow based on the approval to be human and then you see that none of your decisions were real. Everything I did was not real because it was based on wanting to be accepted in this world simply to survive. Look here - either you have money to live, or you have to slot yourself in with what others with money want of you - whereby you will receive money from the system. It is that simple - the system functions on money therefore to survive you have to do what generates money or you have to please those who have money who support you by being someone that makes them feel in control of their lives. The cycle of money is tied in with self worth because everything costs money and self worth is created as an idea of 'things you have to have and do and be' within the system.
This is the cycle we exits in and we call this 'being human' - I find this unacceptable for the world - because I was taken from this cycle and shown what is possible. Therefore I do not just speak about an Equal Money System or Equality Based World System - as if it is a new 'fad' for me - I am living this - and in my research I use basic equations - whereby I see if an 'idea' of what is possible - can in fact be implemented for all Equally. This will not be easy - however observe the following: we have been living and creating the current system which functions according to: a system which requires the movement of money and forces each one to survive. Therefore currently we all LIVE to survive. With an Equal Money System we say let us change the system to the 'opposite' one could say which is: 'A system which supports all LIFE - therefore we will Live - and work together in doing what requires to be done for us to Live.
Although Desteni has a vast amount of Videos - of which each one is specific and relevant within its context - I chose the following videos as my ten favorites, simply because they specifically assisted me within my process of understanding myself better, within my life.
1. BEGINNING of Creation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oXZE0eoqUw
2. Apparitions - Spirits - Ghosts - Unexplained Phenomena
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVBQp4ZGBVg
3. Demons - The only FREE Spirits in existence Hom36
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLOjiS3m_Xo
4. Channeling as Phenomena - what is behind it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f2EjoE8tis&feature=related
5. Akashic Record and the Soul
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysoQsbNwCK0
6. Esoteric and Occult World Placements
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vuN3FjrOTo
7. Resonance as the Resident Evil
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfu8W3LGcgc
8. Interview: DEMONS of the NOW and the FUTURE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA-Tv4qLVug
9. Desteni I Process is Leadership Training
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHlBa3gJv1U
10. Mathematical Proof of Desteni Equality
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxhdDdBrKcQ&feature=related
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