Original post: http://demons.desteni.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=729&p=1456#p1456
Ok I suggest we start here with specific self forgiveness - I will show you how to take the information I indicate and find the key points to write self forgiveness on. Basically on each line I indicate you will look at where the point originated, how you have designed it through participation, and what are the thoughts, feelings, emotions associated. We will work with one point at a time before moving on.
Fear of myself.
[quote]Well, from an early age. Angry mother, made excuses for things "done wrong". Said imaginary friends did it. Learned deception/manipulation to cope. Better to be on her good side. Thus, a mask for always and our relationship is personality-based = in memories.[/quote]
Ok here you have already given us the relevant information of when and with who and how this happened - as well as a general overview of the memories that would be associated with it. Now it is necessary also for you to indicate what were your reactions, backchat thoughts, fears and behaviors developed.
For example:
Taking the point apart with self forgiveness:
With Self Forgiveness you want to start with the identifying firstly the core issue. Therefore your first line of self forgiveness is going to be very basic and from there you start exploring the who, what, how, when etc (all the info listed above) and bring that through into Self Forgiveness - I will show you how
The Structure of Self Forgiveness:
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself…
Accepting: In this statement you are saying that you firstly forgive yourself for accepting the existence of the point as it is as it exists within your world and yourself - this could be the action, the words or the idea itself.
Allowing: In this statement you are forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to participate in the use of the word as the value you have given it and the deed - as the 'living part of a word'. So as an example:
(back to your writings)
[quote]Well, from an early age. Angry mother, made excuses for things "done wrong". Said imaginary friends did it. Learned deception/manipulation to cope. Better to be on her good side. Thus, a mask for always and our relationship is personality-based = in memories.[/quote]
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with my mother for using excuses.
Here you will see I have taken the first part of your statement and directly done self forgiveness on it.
Now the key with self forgiveness is not just to do 'general self forgiveness statements as I have done here and then move on. The key principle is to really go into each point - each part of your writings and see how deep you can go into the point. The deeper one goes into the point - the more effective you will be in releasing yourself from the entirety of the point as the entirety of the design of it. The Design of it - if you remember from my writings above - is to look at how, in relations to who, why, where, when and any reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions and memories that are associated with the point.
So how do I know I am being specific enough?
Here one could take one part of the sentence and write out all the associated points for example:
[quote]"Angry with my mother for using excuses"[/quote]
(example)
"I remember sitting there listening to her making up excuses and I became so angry. I thought to myself you lying cow, it did not happen like that and now you are just making up excuses. Then I thought well I am not going to help you any more because you are just a liar. Then I started ignoring her and after that every time she would ask me to help I would lie and walk away. After a few years of listening to this I found myself talking badly about her to other family members and I really resented her because I felt she could not be trusted."
Now you have more information from which you are able to write self forgiveness. And as you will see in a moment - each time you write a line of self forgiveness you might find that the new point also requires expansion. This will happen if while writing you realize more. Allow yourself to write out self forgiveness on everything that 'comes up inside you' in relation to the point.
For example:
(now I take the first line from the expanded part - and well see what 'comes up' for further expansion)
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into backchat thoughts towards my mother of 'you lying cow' as a reaction to what I was hearing.
Now you observe if there is more coming up inside yourself in relation to the above self forgiveness statement - you could for example have the following:
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to yell at her 'you lying cow' as a reaction to what she was saying
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'you silly bitch' as reaction to what she was saying
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to slap her across the face, because of my anger towards what she was saying
Now you have written out in more detail any further experiences you remember having in relation to the 'lying cow part'. Now you are ready to move on to the next point:
[quote]Then I thought well I am not going to help you any more because you are just a liar.[/quote]
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to assist my mother in the future simply because I was reacting in anger to what she said.
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into reaction of the mind as spitefulness (here you are naming the game of what you were doing) - because of what she said
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to punish my mother (here you are naming the game) for what she said by deliberately not wanting to assist her in the future, instead of letting the moment go through breathing.
Here you will notice I added : "instead of letting the moment go through breathing." This you can add if within the self forgiveness statement you have a realization of what you could have. Now you are self forgiving more than the original acceptance and allowance but also the acceptance and allowance of not correcting yourself in the moment, when actually the correction exists in you already as an understanding of what would have been best. You wont necessarily always add that part, so don’t worry if nothing comes up.
Now lets see if you can follow this example and do SF on the next point - using the flow as I indicated of simply writing out self forgiveness on everything that you remember or realize within the point you are working with:
Examples for the next point
"I found myself talking badly about her to other family members and I really resented her because I felt she could not be trusted."
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk badly about my mother to other family members simply out of spitefulness and resentment
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use spitefulness and resentment as a tool of manipulation within myself to want to punish another, simply because I don’t know how else to deal with what is happening
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to manipulate others into thinking badly of my mother
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use resentment and anger and manipulation as a means of protecting myself - because I don’t know how else to stand up to my mother
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to protect myself against what my mother say, because I am afraid of what she will say
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of what my mother will say, because I hold the belief that 'mothers shouldn't lie'
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of what my mother might say because I am afraid that I will follow through on what she says and someday get hurt
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mother is evil for what she says
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that this situation with my mother is beyond my control, instead of simply letting go of what she say and realizing that I am not defined by what she says.
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to what my mother says or does.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self trust in another instead of trusting myself here as the breath, self responsible for me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself and therefore depend on the actions of others to determine my experience
Those were some basic examples - if you find some to be relevant please continue adding self forgiveness. Then see if you can now walk the following statement within specificity using SF:
[quote] Learned deception/manipulation to cope[/quote]
(do what you are able to and I will add suggestions of necessary - remember to support yourself to write out the Sf by asking yourself questions, what happens when I see, hear, experience this? When do I do it, what happens next, does something change or do I then do something new. Who do I involve? What are my feelings/emotions/fears, backchat thoughts in relation to the point? Is there more to it?)
